One of the first things I did when we decided to homeschool was alarmingly Google exactly this: “how to homeschool as an introverted mom.” I went down a rabbit hole looking for assurance that I could be home and around my kids day in and day out without losing my sanity. (Spoiler alert: I found the reassurance, guidance, and then some.)
Those close to me who know how I am were concerned at first… they weren’t quite sure if I was going to be okay in a house of (loud) people all day, every day. It’s funny because you would think that, but nothing brings me more comfort and joy. It can be intimidating at first but you know what was more intimidating to me? Sending my kids away for 6-7 hours a day, 5-days a week. I want to be with them. It was an easy decision.
Being home with my kids all day doesn’t mean I have to cater to them and only them. It doesn’t mean I lose my right to quiet time. It just means I had to readjust and prioritize myself sometimes, as hard as it may be because mom guilt is very real. Mom guilt keeps us up at night and burrows into our head. You are so selfish. It mocks us. It hurts us. It feels wrong to put ourselves first. But the truth is this: you cannot be the mom your children need if you are not your true self. You cannot teach your children the importance of mental health if you do not first care for your own. Alone time is a need. If I do not meet this need, the whole house suffers. Nearly every day, I take an hour or so to read quietly while Willow has quiet time and Fiona naps. It feels like a reset and the evenings aren’t as daunting. I also have days where I am unable to take that time for myself for some reason or another and the rest of the day is mood swings, short tempers, and sluggishness. There is a big difference. I wonder how many of you are similar in this. I know I must be in good company.
But introversion is not hindering my life. It simply is the way it is. I am the way I am. I do not wish to be extroverted – I thoroughly enjoy being an introvert. Instead, I strive to find the balance between parenting, homeschooling, and recharging. I will always be working on this. I hope both my girls find lessons in my introversion as we grow together, too. I hope they cherish the quiet and the calm. I hope they can find comfort in moments of solitude. I have a good feeling that Willow is extroverted (parenting an extroverted child as an introvert is a conversation for another day). I am still not too sure about Fiona… she leans introverted, but we will see as she gets older. Whichever they are, they will know where mama stands and that it is okay to remove yourself from the noise if you feel the need.
I’ve read and reflected on how to readjust and prioritize myself. I have written down the things that energize me – the things I need to do more of in my daily life. I encourage you to jot down your own list, too. I will share mine below, as well as the tips and books that have helped me.
Read Introverted Mom by Jamie C. Martin. I picked up this book over a year ago, even before we decided to homeschool, and it brought a lot of peace and comfort to me. Jamie’s words are encouraging and her advice is practical. Side note, I also love her podcast Simple Homeschool.
Take quiet time. Many people will clean and work during quiet and nap time. Not for me. Quiet time in our house means quiet time for everyone. This is when I pick up the book I am currently reading, write, or listen to a podcast while I lie down. I implemented this as soon as W dropped her nap. It was an adjustment at first but has become second nature now. She finds something quiet. Fiona will (hopefully) follow suit once she drops her nap.
Go outside to find pockets of peace. This is more difficult when you have really small toddlers but thankfully my girls are good to play independently when we go outside. I always go out with them but I sit in my adirondack chair and just breathe. Sometimes I put on a podcast to listen to. Sometimes I bring a book I am reading (usually non-fiction because fiction is hard for me to get into when I am simultaneously keeping an eye). And yes, sometimes I just sit and breathe. My kids will play outside all day if I let them so this is very nice in the spring/summer/fall when we stay out for hours on end. In the winter, it is worth gearing everyone up and getting out for even 20 minutes.
Make and savor a warm beverage. Oat milk lattes, milky chai tea, or just a cup of coffee. Make your favorite and savor it. Take your time. No gulping it down. It feels like a luxurious ritual when I hit a slump. (Of course, sometimes the kids side track me and then it’s cold… throw some ice in it and try again! Haha)
Listen to music you love with your kids. In the beginning, I was always catering to their music… so much Disney and kids tunes. I am a Disney girl so I enjoy it immensely… however. Sometimes you want to just listen to something that makes you you. As long as it is clean, why not enjoy it with your kids? I create plenty of playlists on Spotify. When the day is dragging or I start to feel anxious, putting something on always lifts the weight of the mood.
Find a podcast. I like listening to podcasts because its easy to pay attention to while cleaning up after meals, tidying, or like I mentioned, outside while the kids play. It feels like a nice break.
Allow screen time. We allow our kids screen-time, usually in the later-half of the day when I am starting to get dinner going. But again, if you need a moment, it is okay to let Daniel Tiger take over for 20 minutes. I also allow Willow to play Reading Eggs/Math Seeds on the iPad every few days. It happens. I will not feel guilty about it because I know the majority of our time is spent reading, playing, outdoors, crafting, etc. Balance is your friend.
Tag in your partner. If it has just been a day, don’t be afraid to ask for help. For me, this is my husband. He knows how I am so he (very graciously) handles the kids when they first wake up. I am able to relax, work a little, read, shower… whatever I choose to sink into my day gently. By the time I come down to start breakfast, I feel ready to handle the day. When he comes home at night, he gets in his time with the kids because he hasn’t seen them all day and I can clean up after dinner with my music/podcast and just sit for a second… alone. I am very lucky to have someone who fills my cup this way.
Wake up before everyone. This doesn’t happen every day, but I always love when I am up ahead of everyone else. I spend a glorious half hour or so reading in bed or catching up on emails/subscriptions. The house is dark and quiet. Everything is still. It is a beautiful time.
Make time for the things that energize you. Make that list. Write it all down. Everything that you love to do, include it. You can get a chapter in during nap time. You can sit and do a crosswords puzzle while your child colors next to you. You can sip a warm beverage and listen to a podcast while you sit outside with your kids. Heck, you could put an episode of The Great British Baking Show or The Barefoot Contessa on while the kids are playing and you are folding laundry. I loved watching cooking shows with my mom and my kids love them, too. If you don’t think you have time for your hobbies, I invite you to take a social media or TV break and see how much time you are freed up. You will make time for what is important if you do not have distractions. I still watch TV sometimes, but over the past two years, we stopped turning it on after the kids went to bed. My nights are so much more peaceful and my cup is fuller. I started doing things that I love. My list includes: writing, reading, crocheting, doing crosswords, jigsaw puzzles, journaling, listening to podcasts, and yes, watching tv occasionally (the office, friends, parks and rec, new girl, gilmore girls, that 70s show, schitt’s creek… these are my friends and they make me laugh when things feel hard).
