EDIT: We have decided to come back to homeschooling after giving public school a go. The grass was not greener for us, personally. However, I am leaving this post here in case anyone else feels like they are in the same boat and need encouragement. It is okay to try new things and it is okay to go back if something doesn’t work out. There is no shame.
Hi friends,
I can’t believe I am writing a post about transitioning from homeschool to public school. Are you shocked? No one is as shocked as me, I assure you. I have put off writing this for a long while… mostly because I was mourning the decision. It was not made lightly. But the New Year felt like a good time for transparency and fresh starts.
I have been homeschool-focused and biased for years (and still think it is a beautiful educational choice) but after we have been at it for a bit, it slowly stopped being the *best* choice for our family. Because at the end of the day, each and every family is unique and there is not one right way to raise your child. As my partner continued to tell me after I beat myself up over the decision: “It worked until it didn’t, and that is okay.”
There are a lot of reasons for our decision, and I won’t get into every single one of them, but I will share a few of the major ones.
First and foremost (and most importantly), my daughter wants to go to school. As she has grown, she expressed more of an interest in school and would ask questions. She is highly extroverted and needs a lot of social time with peers (not that you can’t get that as a homeschooler… but let me explain). As a HSP introvert, it became increasingly hard to meet her needs. We signed her up for a few extracurricular activities and when she was there, she thrived. She loves to be taught by someone else other than me. She loves being around lots of kids. She loves being outside of the home. It really clicked into place and made sense when I finally came to realize that she simply just needs more than I can give her in that regard.
I am at peace with this because we are different people with different needs. So when I finally came to this and asked her if she was serious and wanted to go… I was met with a screaming “YES!! Yay!” and a lot of jumping around.
Second, as I said above, I am a HSP (highly sensitive person) introvert. What this means for me is I need a lot of alone time/quiet time to keep sane and simply put, homeschooling was not allowing me this time necessary and started to become a mental health concern for me.
The pressure of mothering/educating/socializing all together was a recipe for disaster for me personally. I would find myself getting short with my kids by afternoon (something I try to be conscious of but become increasingly hard for me to manage) and waiting for the weekends so I could check-out. I don’t want this for my family. I want to relish and savor the weekends when my partner is home. Instead, I was touched out, burnt out, and exhausted. I know a lot of homeschooling mothers can handle this all with ease. That is incredible. I honestly envy and applaud those who are able. But for me, this became a concern for my mental health.
I often struggle with bouts of anxiety and depression and those close to me even noticed the shift in my mood. I don’t want that for myself. I don’t want to be that kind of mother. I want my kids to see a mom who is well-rested, at peace, genuinely excited, and calm even in the chaos. They see that on good days, but on bad days… nope. I want to be the very best mother to my children and if that means getting the space I need, that is okay.
And lastly, a part of my sanity includes me getting back in the workforce. For now, this means focusing on the Friendly Fig and being able to commit more time and effort to it. I can’t homeschool and run this business well… it doesn’t feel possible and I feel like I am failing at both because they compete with one another.
I want to be able to give my full attention to parenting my children when they are with me and I also want to be able to give my full attention to my business when they are not. I miss working. I want to take on more freelance clients. Again, not saying it isn’t possible to do this as a working mom and homeschooler… I know it can! I follow so many lovely women who do just that. Again, in awe of you all. It just didn’t work out like that for me.
At the end of the day, the thing that made this decision easier was truly that my daughter wants to go to school. She is so eager and excited to meet lots of friends and have a teacher. She wants the independence of getting out into the world and exploring it and coming home to tell me all about it. Just because we choose school, doesn’t mean there won’t be read aloud snuggles, cooking dinner together, baking, board games, chapter books enjoyed together at bedtime, vacations, trips to the museum, etc. We are still going to live our very best life together. And these moments will be so precious to me.
This is all new for us but I will continue to tell myself that it is okay to change course. Moving forward, I am opening my arms to packed lunches, volunteering, and the unknown. I feel giddy with excitement for her and grief over it, too. It is bittersweet, but to my core, I have a very good feeling about this year ahead.
As always, thanks for sticking around for all the shifts and changes over the years… life is unpredictable and messy and beautiful all rolled up and it is nice to share the ups and downs with this community. You are all amazing and I am grateful for you. x
