As I’ve settled into the role of mom of 2 – infant and toddler – I have found that there are so many things that I have done differently. Or even just ways that I have felt different. I wanted to share some of it with you guys today because I feel like a lot of you mamas out there will relate.
A lot of people told me having the second would be harder and some said easier. For me personally, it has been an easier transition than I anticipated (thankfully). Of course, I have my hard days and there are times when I want to pull my hair out but overall, I feel much more confident as a second time mom.
This post isn’t to say some things are wrong or right or whatever. You do you, mama. These are just some things that I personally have done differently or things that I noticed about myself that was different as a second time mom.
— I babywear everyday. It was pretty optional with my first, especially around the house. It is necessity almost every single day when you have a second and need your hands free for a toddler.
— I needed new bottles. Different baby, different bottle preference. It’s funny how one thing works for one baby and is just a big no with the next. My second was not keeping her milk down with Avent bottles that we previously swore by so we switched to Dr. Brown’s and it made a world of a difference.
— I wasn’t afraid of formula (even though I exclusively pump). With my first, I was so scared to even think about formula. Even when I had to start supplementing 8 months into her life, I was always feeling so guilty and putting pressure on myself. Not the case with #2. I told myself I wasn’t going to put myself through the stress and anxiety again because it ruined me the first time. When my milk wasn’t fully in this time around, I supplemented right from the start. Now that my milk is in, my second gets that first but I have a canister of formula ready to go if need be. This has made a world of a difference, mentally.
— I stress less. Piggy-backing off the last point, I am all about stressing less and doing whatever I need to do to make sure I don’t get too overwhelmed. I think the fact that I am a second tine mom, the “been there done that” mentally is there, but of course, every baby is different. I can remember the first time Willow threw up her milk and I called the doctor immediately and was a nervous wreck over it. It was completely normal but I was honestly a mess. The first time it happened with Fiona… it’s totally fine. No big deal. I know that is just a small example, but just an idea of what I mean. I truly do stress less about the little things and try to see the big picture.
— I swaddle my second. Willow did NOT like the swaddle at all and much preferred her arms out. Naturally, I went with that tactic for Fiona. NOPE. We went from waking up every hour to waking up every 3ish hours once I grabbed a swaddle from the thrift store. I thought well let me just try it out… and for $2.50, that swaddle has gifted me more sleep. Fiona looooves having her arms by her side, wrapped up tight tight tight. Sensing a pattern yet about every child being different?
— I am more confident. From the start, everything felt more natural and came easier as a second time mom. My husband said it right away, too. Everything comes back to you instantly and you just take it as it comes. I had a lot of breakdowns with my first, especially the first few weeks between the newness of my role and the hormones. This time around, I had two very weepy days and then bounced back pretty quickly and I believe it is because I just felt more confident in my role.
— I did not download a schedule/tracking app. As a first-time mom, I was tracking diapers, bottles, what side I nursed on last… pretty much every single thing. I know a lot of people stress having to keep track, even doctors, but I really felt confident enough to just go with my instincts and not have to worry about tracking and overthinking everything. I remember losing it over my first born being one pee diaper short of what the app said. It drives you insane. Every single human being is different and this time, I did not want an app to make me worry more than I already had to. It was very liberating, to be honest.
— I let my baby cry more. And by cry more, I mean… no longer than a minute or so, but I am not always as accessible with a toddler running around and needing my attention, too. With my first, I would rush over to soothe at every stir or whimper or cry. Hearing your baby cry gives you major anxiety, especially as a first time mom, and you will do everything and anything to stop it. I have definitely been more “relaxed” about this now because truthfully, I have to be! If not, things would be so chaotic and my older girl might feel slighted if I only tend to baby’s needs at all times. I split my attention now and if that means my second born has to cry a little while I serve my toddler lunch, so be it.
Can you relate to any of the above? I’d love to hear about your own experiences as a second, third, or even fourth time mom. xx bianca
Hi there! This might be outside the scope of your blog but I’m wondering if you would consider writing about your experience with EP. I’m a first time mom and I’m having a hard time pumping while caring for my baby. Any tips you have would be very appreciated!
Hi Jenny! I actually wrote a post on my EP tips here: https://thefriendlyfig.com/2018/04/05/exclusively-pumping-tips/
I hope it helps! xo
Thanks so much!